So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
