so explain again why im purple
no
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
