If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
