I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
