Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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