I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just threw up on my dentist
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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