Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
