you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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