I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
