Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
