just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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