Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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