I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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