So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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