I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize