IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
