He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
