Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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