My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here