I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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