my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories