Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS