the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
