his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize