sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
