u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
