guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
