the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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