whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
