So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
