The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
