I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
