When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
