Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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