at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
