Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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