I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
