Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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