I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what day is it and did you see me today?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
