Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Randomize
