great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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