I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize