Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So many bounce houses so little time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
