It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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