If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
