Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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