Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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