i can't believe i had my finger in that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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