I think i peed on brittanys purse
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
