When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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