Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?