Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins