I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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