I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry