Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
