How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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