Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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