Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fuck appropriateness.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
