I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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