I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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