I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
