you win again, gameday.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
