Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
