Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
